Last week I visited my aunt, a widow 81 years after the death of her friend, also aged 81. Was expected to very saddened by his sudden death from heart failure. Despite over 20 years and was a widow with three sons and nephews and many friends, felt very alone. She reminded me that even at the age of 81 years, she still preserved and be loved, and neither his children or grandchildren could play this roleall in the same way.
Was on the way people reacted to their troubled after his death. I remembered my experience as a young widow, 31 years, and insensitive, what people told me, with the intention of helping the lowering of pain, but none of their insensitivity. I suggested that they may not know how to mourn Repond know, not what to say or what not to say, and maybe we need a list that people who try to help as we could createcomfort her, friends and family after the death of a loved one. Together we can from the list.
That does not say that mourners
You need to go on with your life
We have this statement at the top of the list. When a loved one dies, will receive the survivor's pension for his life from the moment of death. To survive is still alive. This statement is generally processed into a mirror image of listener complaints, with pain and sadness. Whenclose to someone dies, you get on with life at any moment. The task is not always in life, the task is to learn to live with their lives are.
You need to get out and stay busy. What do you want?
My aunt heard this comment a few days after the funeral. This is an example of attack on health. Grief takes time. A large hematoma occurred only for the body, and like any bruise, it takes time and nursing back to health. If you break a leg, stay away fromthe leg and goes a bit 'slower makes sense. Most people would slow down to tell a friend or family member, after a broken leg, and just take. A broken leg is visible. Emotional wounds can not be seen in the same way, yet they are very good there. Although there is a place to stay employed, by the time s is low and one days at a time when the days immediately after the loss. The body needs time to heal.
Are you moving?
Not really help to try to understanddetermine whether a person plans to go immediately after death. This is a decision not to place is usually not immediately. The stay in one place or the decision to change residences should not occur until the person has some time to think clearly. Death is a source of instability for the survivors. E 'disturbing the accidental. The house is a safe place, a place of stability. Is not a useful question, because it adds another layer of confusion, onemourning the man's world shattered.
Showing pictures of family members
If you were a couple and I am suddenly disconnected, hear and see other couples who participate in family activities and events complements Lonliness already feels. People who have experienced a great loss, greater sensitivity to family business.
Had he lived, would have to take care of him, and would be very difficult for you.
Which may or may not be accurateExplanation, but I know few people who find it useful to hear, after a sudden death. The focus of the commentary on the hat could happen more, what had happened.
Helpful comments after death
What can I do to help you overcome?
This comment shows tenderness in mourning. Show you care about them and what happens to them. Gives them the opportunity to define what they need from youGet Through This trauma. It helps you focus on what they can do to survive.
E 'terrible now, but will be better.
This commentary gives a feeling of hope. Hope is what keeps people alive. Keeps people waiting for a brighter day. The comment empathize with the pain under way, and let the grieving person know that desperate feeling you have now will not last forever, at the same level of intensity. It is really better. Time helps to heal wounds.
It isnormal to feel like you're doing.
For people who suffer often feel disoriented, because otherwise the intensity of feeling and depth of them, which occurs with the loss. Telling people's feelings of sadness and confusion and memory loss may be normal for the loss. As a social worker, I thought I had all the knowledge on how to deal with a loss, and despite this awareness, when my husband died suddenly and unexpectedly, I felt like I was crazy, if it is just a normalPart of mourning. If I pay the bills twice for the same in the same month, I was convinced I was crazy.
I am here for you.
In this way, the person suffering knows that you care for them, and what happens to them. There is comfort in letting someone know that they are not alone.
The gift of listening
The greatest contribution you can give a grieving person is to listen. Listening is truly a gift to the bereavement. Sometimes it is not a word offercomforting. Often there are simply no words. Sometimes the best opportunities are, it should exercise proper care and concern is to listen. It 'so simple a gift, the gift of listening.
After listening to my aunt, and the establishment of the list, I had to ask the woman as 81 years, a friend to see again? I think, to say the best thing to do, a little white lie about her age and to find a younger man, which leads me to one of the greatest gifts you can give to the non --best to keep a sense of humor.
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